Dear Bully, I see YOU....

Dear Bully, I see you…

I’m pretty sure at some point in our lives we have all said and done things that we wish we hadn’t, I know I have. Just as most of us have likely been on the receiving end of some unkindness that has made us question our worth and sense of self but I ask, why you continue to take it too far?

I am asking what you need, what do you need to stop the relentless torture and hurt.

I see you constantly calling the girl over there fat and I ask you why? Did you get what you wanted, she is in and out of the eating disorder clinic that her parents can't afford, was that what you wanted?

I see you picking apart the quiet boy, a little bit more each day and I ask you why? His family found him hanging from his bunk by his hoodie, they held him tight and sobbed over his body as they turned off his life support machine. Was that the outcome you were looking for?

I see you writing those horrible things in the comments and I ask you why? At least you won't have to see her face anymore because she is scared to come to school and her anxiety is so bad, she struggles to leave the house but I suppose that's what you wanted when you wrote "go kill yourself slut"

I see you are the one that sent the pretend nude. So, the girl that already struggles to find belonging is now publicly shamed. I ask you why? Was it because you thought she didn't deserve to live?  she took her life, she was 15 & you were another thing on the pile.

I see you are the one that cat fished the kind, sweet boy, the one happy to help and longs to fit in. I ask you Why, why, why? Because he too has gone, couldn't find another way to make you stop, other than ending his beautiful young life.

Is it funny? Do you still think it's funny? What are you lacking? What can we do to help you find your true worth, the kind of worth that stops you using people for entertainment? The kind that allows you to discover empathy, tolerance, acceptance, kindness and whatever else you need to stop because YOU NEED TO STOP. Three of the above babies are gone, sorry is too late. I see you and now you have to live with what you have done. I see you looking away from what's happened, is it too hard for you to face.

Hey I see you over there too, giggling along like it's a spectator's sport, is that really who you are? The person that laughs when your soul is screaming at you to say no, no more, this is not ok. Standing quietly beside the bully, well I ask you too, where is your sense of self? Look up & look at what you've done, what you’re doing & what your allowing to happen and I beg you to stop.

Every time I read of a young person so lost in the dark and despair, it breaks my heart, it breaks my hope and I can't possibly imagine if I was one of the loving parents that are drowning in grief. The parents that did their best to help their child navigate this horrendous situation. I applaud them for speaking out to make this epidemic known, especially in the worst time of their life. I send them my love and hope.

So, I ask in search of an answer, what are we doing to make this stop? We send our kids to school, an environment where they have to be in order to gain an education. I see why people home school but that is not the answer for most. We send them to a place 5 days out of 7 where they don't get to choose who they are surrounded by and who surrounds them. If we were in a daily toxic environment where we were emotionally, verbally or physically abused, we would quit our job and move on, perhaps we would even fight for justice. We are the grown ups and its hard for us, how are we expecting our kids to do this and why are they having too?

We also live in a time of technology, like it or loath it but that is the reality of the situation. It like anything, has its good and bad offerings. The bad in this situation is that it makes our kids easily accessible, long gone are the days of stretching the curly phone cord to our bedroom door for privacy or having to go through our parents to even get on the phone. We could leave the phone off the hook, our babies can turn their phone off yes but when they turn it back on the next day, it's all still waiting for them, staring them in the face. No escape, just dread, darkness and a loss of hope that anything is ever going to change.

I don't have the answers but I do have the questions and they are for the adults because it starts and stops with us. When did it become ok to say things like "Go kill yourself" what sort of human says that to another? This is written far too often and it's not just the kids doing the writing. When did we become people that stay quiet and walk past someone in struggle due to another? When did cruelty become comedy? When did someone’s body, gender, colour, sexuality or race represent their worth? When and who made these things ok because they never have been, nor should they ever be a bench mark of how to treat each other, yet here we still are.

What am I supposed to say when a teenage girl asks me "Why is the mean girl so popular, why is she so nasty and everyone thinks she's cool”?

I have so many questions and bullying is not new but the growing suicide rate attached to bullying is not going to fix its self. School refusal is high, anxiety in kids is through the roof and I ask, how are we leading our kids?

So dear Bully I see you, I want you to know that you are not a bad person but I need you to hear me when I say, your behaviour is unacceptable, damaging and people are losing their life to your games. I want you to know that you can change your behaviour, you too are loved. Maybe if you feel that you are enough, not act like you are more than everyone else but deeply feel enough within yourself soul, maybe then you won’t feel the need to steal the shine from others.

I know that different makes you feel uncomfortable and that's why you target those who are unique. Maybe if we teach you the beauty of acceptance, you can see that the world is made up of such a variety of people and everyone has something wonderful to offer and teach. Perhaps if we work harder to show you how tolerance of one another can peacefully occur within our communities because everyone is entitled to a different opinion, yours is not the only one that counts.

I know that just because you act tough and better than, that you don't really feel that way. I know you hurt, you too are deeply impacted by your insecurities. Maybe if we teach you better coping skills, you won't need to avoid the overwhelming feelings & deflect your hurt upon others in order to avoid your own. My darling this is just an illusion because you will only add shame to those feelings you’re trying to avoid.

Maybe if we as adults show you, instead of tell you the behaviours that are expected within our families, schools, sports and communities. Maybe if we teach these qualities with kindness, understanding and compassion as you learn, maybe you won’t look so closely to a false world made up of filters and fantasies as your mentors.

So, I tell you that I am sad and so heart breakingly sorry to our beautiful young people that are collateral damage from the cruelty that your bullies have thrust upon you. I ask you to remember it's less about you than you are made to think, their behaviour is all about them and their failings. I beg of you please hold on, there is always light and always someone willing to sit beside you in the dark. You are never alone and remember I am only one adult that will be your light house, reach out and share your hurt because you are so desperately needed here with us. I know it’s hard but it’s not permanent, even though it feels so heavy, together we can hold you until you can see light within your darkness and despair.

My promise from me to you, is to do better and try harder to make your world safer, to help create change for both you and your bully, no one deserves to have this cruelty in their life xx

❤️❤️ written with Love, hope and little sorrow Kell xx